FIVE - S i t t i n g

Sitting.
If there is one thing that people know about zen it is sitting meditation.
Needless to say, I've been sitting a lot more than I ever have, but not every day.
It's amazing what a challenge can be, not only to find time to sit, but then to just
sit still for 15 or 20 minutes. Even harder than that is trying to let the very busy mind settle down and be still for even a few seconds.

Anyhow... I'm no expert on sitting.. I'm very much a beginner, but...
I've noticed that since I've been sitting more that I tend to pay attention to what my mind and body are doing throughout the day. I guess it's just being more aware? Beyond just being aware it's also an active watching, if that makes any sense. For example, when I get upset about something I feel the anger, frustration, hurt etc. as I normally would, but I'm less reactive. I feel the feelings, but also try to step back and be objective about what's going on in the situation, what I'm feeling and where that might be coming from. I don't try to fix anything, push anything away, shove it down or do anything at all really. I just trying to pay close attention and not make judgments about it.

If something is still bothering me at the end of the day then when I sit down to meditate I sit with it. I might ask "what is this" or "what are these feelings" but not try to find an answer. I'm sure everyone is different, but I'm really trying to learn not to try and FIX everything. I'm noticing that if I can refrain for trying to fix it and just really listen to where it is coming from it will tend to soften on it's own or maybe teach me something that I need to grow. But.. this is just what I'm finding right now and, like I said, I'm sure the whole process is very individual.

So... the last time I sat (last night) I came up with something that helped me. It wasn't some profound transmission from nirvana or some kind of wacky thing like that. But... like most things that feel profound it the moment, it was quite simple.
It was simply this... When I'm feeling anger, pain, hurt, frustration and so on, it's really helpful to just let those feelings be for a moment (maybe gently set them aside) and really try to understand the person or people that I'm reacting to.
I find that if I really stop to listen or try to understand what feelings are coming up for them... and I don't me just listing to a list of facts, details or excuses, but really trying to learn where they are coming from it goes a long way in reducing any negative reaction I might be having.

So, I realized that the next time my kids are having a argument and come to me to help sort it out, instead of listening to each on of them tell their side like I normally do, I'm going to try to get each one to listen to the other about how they are feeling and why they are feeling that way. Might not work.. haha! But... it's a step in the right direction, I think. And... it's all we can do really, keep stepping in the right direction.